Chapter 51 - The Truth Shall Set You Free - Or Not Part 2 of 3

When Kaitlin pulled up to the diner, she saw a fancy sports car and figured her 'date' was already there. She took a deep breath and got out of her old sedan to go inside. She looked in the large picture window and there he was looking deep in thought.

Kaitlin stood and studied him before she went inside and a sense of loss washed over her at what could have been. Newt still took her breath away he was so handsome. But she knew the real monster that lived within.

Leroy said Newt had been in therapy. He did sound different over the phone. Could he have really changed? she thought. Kaitlin took another cleansing breath and when she was sure she wouldn't have a panic attack, she walked inside and towards his table.

When Newt saw her, he stood up. She tried to read what was in his eyes. Regret? Sorrow? Hope? It wasn't a look she associated with him. She expected anger and disgust to fill his eyes. She had to take several slow breaths to calm herself and focus. She wasn't prepared for this Newt.


Then he spoke and just as on the phone, she got chills, but of a different kind. “Kaitlin, you look beautiful but then you always were beautiful. There's something else though, you look self-confident, strong. It's the way you carry yourself. It suits you.” Newt let out a slow breath, “If I could go back and do it all over again....sorry….please, sit down,” he said and motioned towards the chair.

Please sit down? Compliments? Was he feeling the same sense of loss she did? Do I still feel something for this man? It confused her and all Kaitlin could do was sit...and stare...and breathe.

As soon as she was seated the waitress walked over and asked for her drink order effectively bringing her back to reality. “Coffee, please,” was all she could manage.

Newt had been staring at her too, like he couldn't believe she was sitting in front of him and began to get emotional. He quickly picked up the beer he had been nursing and took a long drink in attempt to cover it up, but she noticed. When he sat his glass down he started talking again, “First, I need to apologize for what I put you through Kaitlin. It was wrong.”

Kaitlin suddenly remembered she promised to let Leroy talk to him and stopped him. “Wait, before you go on, Leroy wants to talk to you first.” His head whipped around apparently looking for Leroy.


Kaitlin laughed in spite of her nervousness at being near him and relaxed a little. “He’s not here, don't worry,” then laughed again at his relieved expression. She dialed the phone and handed it to him. “Here.”

As she listened to the one-sided conversation, she watched as amusement danced across his face. “This is Newt…..I understand. I told her you could join us…..You don't have to worry. Bye.”

“I feel like a teenage boy being grilled by your father,” he said smiling as he handed the phone back to her. "By the way, you have to be home by 10:00."

Kaitlin couldn't help but laugh at his quip. “It was a compromise,” she said.

“I'm sorry he felt like I was a threat but I understand. But seriously, for what it's worth, I am sorry for the hell I put you through the last few years of our marriage. It took me losing everything to admit to myself that I was the sole reason."

Newt swallowed hard thinking back to that time. "Then I had to face the horrible truth that I didn't know how to be any different. It was a damn hard wake-up call. That's why I needed to see you. To show you that I've changed. I have worked hard these past two years to be a better man and to offer my apology for the years of misery I caused.”

Kaitlin’s smile quickly turned to sadness at his words and she couldn't stop the tears from welling up remembering the 17 years she spent with this man trying to make him happy. She felt no resentment or anger at his words. Strangely, she wanted to comfort him. All those old feelings came rushing back. The ones that made her feel like she needed to fix him. But she couldn't just forgive him - could she?

When he saw her tears, Newt frowned. “I don’t mean to make you cry. I'm sorry. But I need to say this, for both of us, and our children," he said.


With the mention of their children she choked back a sob, held up her hand to get him to stop talking for a minute. Deep breaths, she thought as she tried her best to swallow back the rest of the tears that didn't manage to escape and compose herself. When she felt ready, she simply nodded for him to go on.

Taking her queue, he continued, “After you left, I was just pissed and figured you would eventually turn up. When it became clear that you wouldn't, as much as you probably won't believe me, I began to miss you and and the kids.

I was realized how truly alone I was and became more than a little depressed and a lot angry. You were damn good at hiding. I was actually suspected of murder but finally was cleared. No bodies or sign of foul play.” He gave her a sad smile.

Kaitlin wiped her eyes and let out a little smirk remembering why no one could find them - they were totally off the grid. But then she felt bad. She never expected that he might be accused of murdering his family.

When she didn't say anything, Newt continued, “My parents made me go into therapy for ‘anger management’. Part of the therapy was a pen pal. I had to write out my feelings to him. I just did it to pacify my folks and the therapist. But it was through this therapy that I met Norman, my assigned pen-pal.”

Kaitlin gasped and her eyes went wide. “Norman? Oh my God! Does he have a sister named Meadow and a girlfriend named Ira and an Uncle named Jasper?”

Jerked back into the present, Newt frowned and his face got red. “You know him? Goddammit! It was supposed to be confidential!” The old Newt was back in full force. “Was I fucking setup? Were you spying on me?!?” he said raising his voice.

Kaitlin swallowed her fears and took a deep breath. She wasn't letting this man control her ever again. He had fooled her with his sweet talk. She stood up leave to trying to hide that her hands were shaking.

“God, Kaitlin, I'm sorry,” he whispered sounding miserable, “please, don't go. That was out of line.”

That stopped Kaitlin in her tracks and she turned back around and looked at him. She couldn't believe what she was witnessing. He was either a damn good actor or he was truly showing empathy and trying to control himself.

When she stopped and looked at him, he gestured towards the chair. “Please sit. I will keep it together. I promise,” then he smiled and said, “Leroy is a whole lot bigger than me. But please, tell me how you know Norman.”

Kaitlin sat back down. “I don't know Norman, I know of him. You see, I have a pen pal too. I was lonely and didn't have anyone to talk to so I signed up. My pen pal is Norman's sister. I assure you, it was purely coincidental. If not, you would have found me a long time ago. She told me her brother was corresponding with a man named Newt and we worried it might be you but I told her you weren't the pen pal type so we blew it off. She knows about us, so just in case, she promised not to tell Norman my name and I never heard anymore about his pen pal.”

Kaitlin watched as Newt took in what she said trying hard to maintain control. This was something she had never seen him do before. He looked up at her and quickly looked down at his beer and started fiddling with it. “If you know Norman then you know his girlfriend was...abused…” he said still looking at his glass. “He helped me realize that was what I was doing before he knew. He told me how it had affected her. And I knew that I had done….the same thing to you.”

He glanced up as if to make sure she was still there and quickly back down to his glass. He gripped it tightly before continuing. She only knew she was crying again when Newt’s face got blurry.

“I abused you…,” he whispered and stopped to regain his composure, “and probably would have abused the kids if you hadn't left. Norman helped me admit it to myself. I told my therapist and then I told him the truth.”

Newt looked up at Kaitlin, his eyes full of hope, “He didn't quit me, Kaitlin. He stuck with me and that gave me the strength to begin to figure out how to change myself, to control my behavior and make better choices. To listen to my partner, not control them. I owe you and him for helping open my eyes to what I was and to begin to take responsibility for my actions.”

His mention of a partner made her forget about pen pals. Even though she already knew about his new girlfriend, she didn't want him to know. So she asked, “Your partner? The redhead? She’s your ‘partner’?”

Kaitlin was confused by her feelings about him having a partner. Why did she feel betrayed by this man sitting in front of her that she had run away from. Did she still have love in her heart for him? How was that possible? Or was she just jealous that she got only the worst parts of a man she thought she loved at one time and someone else was getting the good parts. She knew they could never be together and that hurt too. She loved Leroy completely so she couldn't understand her hurt.

He was studying her like he was trying to read her thoughts. Finally he answered as if he had indeed read her mind. “Kaitlin, if we could roll back time, you would be my partner and I would be the husband and father that you and our children deserve. But we can't go back. Too much happened in the 17 years we were together that can never be repaired. I could live a lifetime trying to making it up to you, but you know neither of us would ever be happy with those huge wounds between us that would never completely heal."

Kaitlin knew he was right and she had no intention of going back to him, but it was hard to reconcile that now that they were sitting here talking like they never really had in years.

Newt continued when she didn't say anything, "I saw you that day in the courthouse. Leroy Chapman, he loves you. I could tell by the way he looked at you before you saw us and it surprised me. I had seen him there before but he was always with an attractive dark haired woman. But when you ducked behind him to get away from me, it was clear. She was just a friend and you were everything to him. It hurt because I know I did that to you, I made you afraid."

Kaitlin could only watch as he continued to talk. It was like a floodgate opened and he was trying to say everything at once. "I didn't try to approach you that day because Janet, the redhead, my partner, my girlfriend, was with me. Yes, we are dating. I had to try and move on with my life Kaitlin."

When began to speak about Janet his demeanor softened even more. "I thought I would never see you again. But rest assured, she knows about me, about what I did. It is part of my therapy. I have to tell anyone that I want a long term relationship with what I am - or was. She even goes to therapy with me sometimes.

Our relationship is healthy now.  And Kaitlin, she looks at me the same way Leroy looks at you, like you used to look at me when were first married. In fact Janet knows I am here meeting with you even though she had to go back to Roaring Heights. I plan to be here a few more weeks to try and get things settled between us."

 "I am staying at Reid’s," he continued on, "For the record, he said I was a total ass for ruining our marriage. He's right, and sadly, he knows my kids better than me. He told me Leroy was trying to get him freed. I am not sure why, because Reid is an ass too. I guess it runs in the family."

Kaitlin continued blinking back tears, taking in all that he shared and relaxed a little more. “You are right," she said, "I mean, not that it runs in the family, well maybe, but what I meant was we could never make it work, not now. I hope Janet does know, because I promise you, if she doesn't, she will. And I didn't come here to reconcile Newt. Far from it.”

Newt finally looked her in the eye. “Kaitlin, I'm sorry for what I did. I know that doesn't make it okay. You may never forgive me and that's okay too. I just want to earn enough of your trust that you will let me have a relationship with our kids. Reese will be 18 next week and graduating from high school soon. I know I'm going to miss that and have accepted it. Reese will probably never want to see me again, but Kaitlin, Ben and Maddy might.”

Kaitlin was crying again at the mention of their children. He was right, Reese may never want him in his life and that would be his choice. But did she want to expose Ben and Maddy to him? “Newt, I don’t know…”

Newt was getting emotional again and had to take another drink. “I know we aren't going to solve that now. I just wanted you know how I feel. Also, know that I will grant you a divorce. We both need that so we can move forward with our lives. And I know, it hurts. Divorce is ugly. But you didn't fail Kaitlin, I did. I failed you, our marriage and our kids. This is on me so don't feel bad.”

Kaitlin tried to laugh through her tears and said, “Who are you and what did you do with my husband?”  Newt laughed. Kaitlin hadn't seen him laugh in a long time.

Newt sat back still smiling, looking much more relaxed than before. “I will not make it hard for you,” he said, “We don't have to make any decisions tonight. Just know that I'm not going to fight you, but I do want to work out something with the Ben and Maddy. That's enough for now. I'm sure Leroy will be doing drive-bys if you don't get home soon.”

She knew he wanted to see his kids, but not if he was involved in illegal activities. She couldn't expose her children to that. “Newt,” she said trying to keep her voice steady, “there are other things I have found out about recently. It involves your father's business.”

Newt’s face clouded over for a minute before he responded, “I didn't know until I was in too deep. I found out just before Maddy was born. I never wanted you to know. At work, I had no control. I don't think Mom knows. Just know, I am working on a plan to get out of the business with Reid. But how did you know? That's a well guarded secret.”

“It doesn't matter," replied Kaitlin, "So it seems we do have a lot to workout other than just a divorce. I won't have my kids involved in something illegal. So if you want to have any part in their lives, then you will get out. Otherwise I will have full custody of them.”

Kaitlin stood up. She had had enough. “And you are right, if I don't show my face soon my phone’s going to blow up or the cavalry's going to come storming in here.”

Newt quickly stood up and walked around the table to where she was standing and looked her in the eyes. He reached up to touch her face and she flinched involuntarily.

Newt jerked his hand back and looked at his feet. He whispered, “I’m sorry Kaitlin, I don't want you to be afraid of me anymore. I will never hurt you again.”

She swallowed hard and forced herself not to move away. He looked so sad. “But you will," she said softly, "if you take my children from me or expose them to that lifestyle.”


Then she reached up and put her hands on his face and turned it to hers, “I hope you have found what you need in Janet and the two of you are happy.  But you need to tell her about the business or walk away from it. Don't take her choice away. Secrets ruin relationships Newt."

Kaitlin dropped her hands, turned around and walked away, standing tall with her shoulders thrown back and with a lot more to think about. She hoped she could make it out the door before her resolve broke and she was nothing more than a puddle of tears.

Go to Chapter 51 Part 3

Go Back to Chapter 51 Part 1

A/N - If you want to read Newt and Norman's pen pal letters you can find them here. Norman's letters were written by CathyTea.